What should give... What should give...

This weeks challenge is to give up something that is unhealthy. Initially I thought of all of the fat-loaded, calorie ridden foods out there. Oh how I love doughnuts, fries and candy! Instead this challenge inspired both lent and life in general.

I'm a fretter you see. I stress, over think, grate my teeth and scream in my head so much that I make myself nauseous on a semi regular basis. Jenn has told me on more than one occasion to, "Quit! You're not allowed to do that here," meaning to drive myself crazy with the racing thoughts that keep me up late into the night. I am usually the poke'ee you see.

I tend to let every little comment get under my skin. The verbal equivalent of a bot fly then festers and grows and patiently waits until I'm horizontal desperately trying to rest and recover. At this time one single little cut erupts into a room sized moth that beats me about the head and face until about an hour before my alarm goes off. It could be any random expression that I take a little more personal than intended, or something I forgot or am trying not to forget. This moth haunts me until I am so frustrated that I hate. I hate that i still am thinking about it. I hate that I can't sleep because I'm thinking that I'm thinking I can't sleep. I understand that the last sentence is awkward; a true insomniac could read it like a child's book.

So I'm giving up hate. Not just hate, I'm giving up the stress and the victim dance. To be the poker instead of the pokee. For 40 days, the drama is not mine. I will say what's on my mind and not hide behind a smile, regretting that I didn't stick up for myself. When something gets under my skin I won't get mad, I will take a deep breath, wait the 90 seconds it takes to let the adrenalin slow down and say to myself, "I never did really mind the little things," and go on with my life. I hope that this will lead to less stress eating and less binge wine drinking. It's worth a try at least.